| It's not always rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise that moves us along |
[entries|archive|friends|userinfo] |
|
| My FuTuRe HoMe! |
[Nov. 27th, 2004|10:07 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  relaxed | ] |
Ladies and Gentlemen this is where I will "unoffically" be next year....
Main Campus.
Rec Center.
So the other day I got a letter from UTSA saying that regardless of my class rank I will be accepted! So now all I have to do is fill out my application, pay the fee, and send my transcripts in! So UTSA here I come! Go Road Runners! woot woot!
People I'm taking to college with me so far...
1. Mary
2. Nat
3. John
4. Nick
5. Timmy
6. Miss Marie
Any others feel free to just hop in my suitcases! I'll be glad to have ya!
Much love
*Jessie Rae* |
|
|
| No ScHoOl = MuChO FuN!!! |
[Nov. 24th, 2004|10:21 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  giddy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Chariot"- Gavin Degraw | ] |
A detailed re-cap of my week thus far....
OpErAtIoN SlEePoVeR- It was a success! I worked until 9ish, came home, packed my stuff and headed to Mabo's house. Then we talked for a bit and then went to get ice cream which turned into eating at Denny's. It was our first date, which made Mabo giddy haha. Then we went to the HEB to get ice cream, which they didn't have and we got hit on by two "hot" guys there (ha we'll twist the story Koko). Then we went to Randalls and of course they had it! Then we went to her house and talked and chillaxed the rest of the evening. I had so much fun with my sexy cow!
SaTuRdAy- I went home and got ready for work. And I worked from 2-8 I think. Nick met me for lunch at Taco Bell which was fun. After work, I went home and ate, then went to go visit Nick. Before I left, my mom gave me the book she made me online. It's a book with pictures from marching season, it's amazing, it's sort of the closure i needed. Nick and I went to Chick-fil-a, which was nice cuz we got to talk some. Then I met up with Em, John, and Amanda for ice cream in Town Center. We ate our ice cream then went outside and sat on the benches and talked some. Then I came home and talked to John on the phone.
SuNdAy- I woke up at 6:48 and had to be at work by 7... I made it in by 7:05. SO I worked from 7-2, with no meal break. But Brent bought me a fun doughnut for breakfast. I rushed home and got ready for Sammy's concert. Thomas drove me, koko, and ben to the concert. Thomas- sorry for making fun of u non-stop on the way there haha. The concert was good. The little kids were so cute and really good. Sammy did so good!! I was so proud. And for the record i did NOT fall asleep after sam played ;) After the concert we found sam and talked a little bit. Then we headed home, not a fun ride lol. When i got home Nick called and we went to pecan grove to run some errands then went to Taco Bell and the park, it was such a fun evening.
MoNdAy- I worked from 11-7, which wasn't too bad. Carrot and Kris both came in. Kris got a job which made me happy! Kris took me out to lunch which was nice, I haven't hung out with him since Indy. We got to talk a lot and catch up, which was nice. After work, I came home and ate ice cream and watched everwood then talked to nick. I got a letter from UTSA saying that my SAT scores were high enough so that i could be accepted regardless of rank, all i have to do is apply, send in the fee, and my transcripts. SO YAY!!!
TuEsDaY- Taldie's birthday! I worked again from 11-7, but it wasn't too bad. I went out to lunch with my Carrot, who passed his checker test! YAY! I stayed late at work to help check, but I saw Mitch and Chris so it wasn't bad. Then I went home and got changed and left to go pick up John. We went to Kroger then headed out to town center to meet up with Darian, Natalia, and Mary. We all just talked for a few minutes, there were some hilarious conversations, it was great. Then the other 3 went to see a movie and john and i went to eat at Cafe Express. It was a nice dinner, with some much needed talking. I had fun with my carrot. Then we got calls from Nick and my mom saying to get the heck out of there cuz storms were going to hit there at 10. What time did we get these calls, ummm 9:55. So we rushed to the car, and we had parked on the roof for fun, which wasn't smart. So we made it to Walmart, then it got really bad and I was freaking out. We pulled into the parking lot and the power went out, but we parked and made it into walmart and the power came back on. So Carrot, thanks for being a life saver and keeping me calm. We both made it home safely, it was a lovely evening minus the near death part. lol.
ToDaY- I worked from 8-4, not too bad. I got to work with Nick's mom, she's so hilarious. After work i got ready to go take pictures for christmas cards with jake, they came out really cute. I picked up the Gavin Degraw cd which was a 2 cd special, it made me very happy. Then me and my mom picked up dinner, bbq... it was GRAND! Then we ate and nick picked me up and we went to the mall to get him some "slacks." ha it was a nice evening out.
HaPpY TuRkEy DaY! Wow I hope this wasn't too boring lol G'nite
*Jessie Rae* |
|
|
| FoUr Of ThE MoSt AmAzInG HuMaNs I KnOw!!! |
[Nov. 20th, 2004|11:33 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  enthralled | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Dashboard | ] |
From the beginning....
To the very end....
Thank you Darian, Alex, Mary, and Taldie for an amazing four years! (Well 2 for you Darian.) You guys have gotten me through so much, I love you guys with all of my heart!
*Jessie Rae* |
|
|
| InDy CoNtiNuEd |
[Nov. 16th, 2004|10:45 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  melancholy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Only One"- Yellowcard | ] |
So back to writing about heaven. I just can't believe it already came and went. I loved living in paradise where I was surrounded by my favorite people in the world. I woke up with some of my best friends in the same room with me, and they even helped me with my hair! Thanks Miss Marie and Sara! Bottom line, it was just the time of my life and i loved every single second of it and i loved the people i spent my time with. Thank you all for the most amazing trip and memories that will last a lifetime. I love you guys!
How quickly that paradise came crashing down. It wasn't even this bad last time we got home from Indy. And that was a living hell. So someone please tell me why the heck we had to come back to this HELL HOLE!? Each day since we've been home has gotten gradually worse. It's great let me tell you. But thanks to those of you who have gotten me through it. Timmy- You manage to make my day every single day! Thanks for always being there, you're coming to college with me! I loved my thank you note and I love you so much! Mabo, Mary, Nat, and Alex- Thanks for being there for me to bitch and whine to, I'm always there to return the favor. Mabo- Operation sleep over ASAFP!!! Noofan- We ARE going to get McDonalds and watch finals this week! hehe. I need my damn break to come before I freaking go crazy! I get to stay with my aunt for a couple of days and see my cousins i haven't seen in years so I'm very much looking forward to that. Hopefully Ryan (brother) will be there so I can catch up with him too.
I'm sick of feeling like shit and it's never improving and never ending. Someone please make this stop, that would be great. I'm sick of living in regret. Now to end with some lyrics...
"Only One"
Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason
I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one
Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone
And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only my only one
Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one
"One Year, Six Months"
Sew this up with threads of reason and regret
So I will not forget. I will not forget
How this felt one year six months ago
I know I cannot forget. I cannot forget
I'm falling into memories of you and things we used to do
Follow me there
A beautiful somewhere
A place that I can share with you
I can tell that you don't know me anymore
It's easy to forget, sometimes we just forget
And being on this road is anything but sure
Maybe we'll forget, I hope we don't forget
I'm falling into memories of you and things we used to do
Follow me there
A beautiful somewhere
A place that I can share with you
So many nights, legs tangled tight
Wrap me up in a dream with you
Close up these eyes, try not to cry
All that I've got to pull me through is memories of you
Memories of you
Memories of you
Memories of you
I'm falling into memories of you and things we used to do
Follow me there
A beautiful somewhere
A place that we can share
Falling into memories of you and things we used to do |
|
|
| ThE TiMe Of My LiFe... |
[Nov. 13th, 2004|10:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | grateful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Time of your life"- Greenday | ] |
Before I write about Indy and post pictures, I need to post these lyrics. It's the new theme song to my life.
"Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)"
Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road.
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why.
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind.
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time.
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial.
For what it's worth, it was worth all the while.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
Ok indy time babies!
First off thank you to everyone, it was fucking amazing! It was even better than sophomore year. I had the time of my life! It was the perfect way to end things. The performances were amazing, each one better than the one before. Finals blew my mind, every emotion came out of my body and I left part of myself on that field. I can't believe it's over. I spent my time with the girls, Kris, Mariko, Nick, John, Sheri, Laura, and so many other amazing people. I cannot thank you guys enough for the time of my life up there. As I sit here writing this, listening to "Time of Your Life" on repeat on my cd player, all I can do is smile. All week I've been crying because it's all gone, but now I'm able to realize that I will always have those memories. It still hurts like hell but I can come to peace with it now. My mom came to Indy with her friend Linda, and the two of them being there was just hands down amazing. They got to see why I do this, and I got to dedicate each performance to my mom knowing she was right there in front of me.
Before finals westman told us to pick one person that we love most and to love them more that night, I couldn't just pick one person in the room. Then he told us to pick one person that had hurt us in the past or that we hadn't gotten along with, and I did have one specific person for that. I went up to them before music warm up and gave them a hug and said my words I needed to say and I felt so amazing when I did that even if they didn't care. I got to talk to my flutes before we went into the music warm up. We had amazing talks and everyone was crying, but for once I wasn't. The sextet warmed up in the girls bathroom which was hilarious when girls on other guards were coming in and saw 2 boys in the bathroom. I walked out to the tunnel with Kris and we could see the band performing through the door and he said "I feel sorry for any band who isn't us because well they're royally SCREWED!" ha it was so great.
I got to hug all of my buds before we went to take the field. Mr.Simar got a pic of me and Steph's tradition! I couldn't find my mom, like I had in prelims and semis, but I whispered in my mic, that it was all for her... yeah the tears hit there. Then the show began... HOLY POO THE SEXTET WAS THE SHIZNAT! Following that I hit my company front set! FINALLY! So needless to say I was bawling so hard by the end of the first movement. Then the second movement kicked ass! Third movement went by in a blur. Then the closer came. At the halt I stand in front of Sara's podium and she normally looks at me and mouths something funny, but this time I look at her and she mouths "I love you." Then we both lost it. The epilogue was beautiful. When I took that last look at the crowd and then put my head down I lost it, I was sobbing so hard. It was an amazing feeling. Then on the way off the field i grabbed britt's hand and we marched off crying. Then we had our love fest.
That was the love fest of all love fests. Everyone was in tears. I think this hit the juniors pretty hard. I found everyone I could and hugged them and cried and kissed most of them on the cheek hehe. Hugging Nathan hit me hardest, he and I were both bawling, that kid is so amazing. It took me forever and a day to find Kristopher, so we had our usual crying fest and i told him i loved him and thanked him for everything. Then I had to have nick lead me (literally) to John cuz I couldn't find him. So I finally got to have my moment w/ my carrot. That was just an amazing time for all of us.
Ok i'm getting sleepy so I'll have to finish this up later |
|
|
| SeXy PiCtChAs!! |
[Oct. 25th, 2004|09:57 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | peaceful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "One Year Six Months"- Yellowcard | ] |
The Crazy 10 with the Willowridge drum majors. Good times!! haha
Me and Mariko with SAM!! HE'S BEAUTIFUL!!
Me and Paul!! I'm going to miss him so much!! :( |
|
|
| AnD ThE CoUnTdOwN BeGiNs... 9 MoRe LeFt |
[Oct. 18th, 2004|10:19 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  scared | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Come On"- Ben Jelen | ] |
This is a long one guys....
Before I finish the stuff from last night some things need to come first.
I have NINE more rehearsals with this band. My one thing that I actually gave my all to for 4 years is almost about to be ripped away from me. I have never loved something so much as I have this band. Why does it have to be taken from me? I don't want to let it go. I can't let it go. In a way I don't want Indy to come because that means it's all over for me. This program means everything to me, these people mean the world to me. This has been worth all of my pain, tiredness, sweat, tears, EVERYTHING. I want to do it all over again. I would go to hell and back for this program. NINE left.... that's not enough. I have more left in me. I am going to "kill myself" these last two weeks so i can look everyone in the eyes and tell them I gave everything I had. (Totally stole that from Friday Night Lights haha). That movie had more of an affect on me than "wow I'm watching a movie about football". I applied everything to band. This will be my last time to march, I refuse to take a step down in college, so I'm ending it all in Indy. A part of me will be left in Indy on that field. I can tell you all now that I will give everything I have left. I'm not holding back anymore. I love you guys too much to hold back now. I know I haven't been doing everything I should but that stops now. I can tell you now that I will be the most emotional for everything, our last practice, Indy... I'm gonna be the worst out of all the seniors... or so I've been told. I'm not ready for this, I kept convincing myself that I was... but I'm scared as hell.... Here's to 9 more and the best 2 and a half weeks. I love you guys so much, this is all for yall.
Ok so back to the stuff i didn't finish last night. ok so after the game at the park I was w/ the Stargazers (*that's the kick ass name we came up with for our group) and the 2 new "members" (ha jk) and we were just lying in our circle looking at our stars and talking then Jen sits up and sees someone coming. So we all sit up and this guy walking towards us, he sees us then kind of stops. So we all freak out, then he pulls a long object out of his bag that he's carrying. The think looked like a freaking rifle i'm not kidding. So we start screaming and running for our lives (literally) towards our cars. So Nicole jumps in with me cuz we can't find jen, who is w/ steph behind me. So steph calls me and tells me to let nicole out of the car and to move so jen can get into her car. So we all speed off shaking and crying. Then we all called eachother to make sure everyone got out ok, which we all did. Holy crap it was the scariest thing ever. And we eliminated that the object was a telescope or a golf club. Cuz when we were running the guy hid and didn't tell us to calm down, and he was in dark clothing. Holy shit it was freaking scary. Moral of the story: our society is so corrupted that you can't enjoy a peaceful evening at the park!!! Not to mention that butt face guy ruined our new spot.
On to a less life threatening subject. My 2 new nouns that I have come across that I love are: JEN!!! and Town Centre. (or is it Center?) Even better being in Town Centre with Jen! (which is awesome) ha I mean I haven't talked to Jen that much lately but after the movie Friday night, we started talking and she's just so awesome. Friday and Saturday night were awesome! Town Center ROCKS MY SOCKS OFF! I mean it freaking has BEN AND JERRYS!
So Thursday night, I went w/ Mary, Darian, and Alex to Town Center for the first time. I had a blast! I needed time w/ them so badly. Then Nat, Laura and Adam met up w/ us which was awesome. I love you guys so much!
Then Friday I woke up, pooped around the house, talked online, and watched tv for a bit. Then I got ready and went to John's casa for the first time in what seemed like forever. We were going to watch Power Rangers, but my tape got stuck in the VCR! I was about to cry, but I settled for watching Mean Girls. Halfway through the movie, his sis came in and watched it with us. That movie is too mature for 10 year olds, she asked us what fugly meant. ha. Then after Mean Girls we had time to spare so we started Superman (the first one) and yes that's right i buy the most kick ass presents. It was such an awesome visit, I really needed it. Then it was off for the movie. The drive there sucked, but the movie was awesome and I had tons of fun with Sammy and the girls. Then we were off to Town Center, then the Richmond Coffee Station and dirty words on the Scrabble board, then spooky driving then home.
O and Saturday was a kick ass performance! Then yall know what happened Saturday night. Alright I think that's long enough. G'nite
*Jessie*
Here's me at BOA prelims... About to cry YET AGAIN! I finally managed to get in some pictures....
 |
|
|
| My LoVe, LoOk At WhAt YoU'vE dOnE tO mE... |
[Oct. 17th, 2004|09:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Love Makes The World Go Around"- Ashlee Simpson | ] |
"My love, look at what you've done to me,
For someone who has felt so strong, it's amazing I'm completly gone"
-Ashlee Simpson
peepschickie: so yeah what do i do now
XxWiLdNrOwDyXx: aklajdfljadfla dfkla dfh jessssiee ahh
Thank you to my child for clearing things up. haha I love Becca!
I don't know what to say anymore. No matter what, it seems that everything that goes wrong is somehow provoked by me. I never meant to hurt anyone, I never asked for this. None of this was initiated by me, I was happy where I was and willing to work on what I was not content with. I'm hurt myself and no one sees it. Does anyone think this is easy on me? It's not, it's hard as hell. I miss my best friend, I miss him being there and all of the things we experienced together. Enough of that... now everyone KNOWS how I feel.
So we (Nicole, Jen, Sara, Steph, Heidi, Caitlin, and I) almost died last night.. yea that was fun.
StayteTheObvious: im telling greg wat happened
StayteTheObvious: he was like well i will sneak out and come protect yall so yall can stay there
peepschickie: haha yay
StayteTheObvious: i was like greg..u would b the 1st one gone
Haha I love Jen!
Well that's all I have time for now. I'll update later.
*Jessie* |
|
|
| FuNnY StUff |
[Oct. 13th, 2004|07:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crazy | ] |
This was not my doing!!! haha (This is from Katie's camera and it's great) |
|
|
| ThIs Is TrUe haha |
[Oct. 12th, 2004|09:54 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | #12 on the Ashlee Simpson cd | ] |
Random vent: Knowing what I want and being happy........... yeah that would be NICE!!! |
|
|
| HuNtSvILLe PiC |
[Oct. 6th, 2004|09:39 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Pieces of Me- Ashlee Simpson | ] |
Alex. Mary, Natalia, Darian and I. They ARE holding me in this picture. I love those kiddos, they are the most amazing people.
More pics coming soon... |
|
|
| WoW... HaNdS DoWn ThIs Is ThE BeSt DaY I CaN EvEr ReMeMbEr... continued |
[Oct. 4th, 2004|08:14 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Autobiography- Ashlee Simpson | ] |
Well I last left off when I was having my love fest after finals...
Band events always make me feel closer to everyone, especially Kris. He's been there for me more than anyone else has. I love him like my brother and he means the world to me. I love being so small by the way haha. Kris picked me up while we were waiting for water and then he just passed me off to Chandler. It was kinda funny. So after water it was back to more love fest time. I went to go find John to give him another hug. I haven't felt that close to him in a long time, I was bawling and told him I loved him and I gave him a kiss on the cheek. Then I went to go find Amanda and give her a hug. Then I put everything aside and went up to Nick. I didn't even say anything, I just gave him a huge hug and it felt good as much as I was denying it at the time. The love fest continued for another half hour or so, then it was time to get in the retreat block and go line it up for the awards ceremony....
The Angels started a high-5 line and it was so much fun. We continued it when Churchill lined up next to it, but they weren't as into it as we were. I chatted with a couple of the Churchill flutes, they seemed really nice and I took a pic with them. I found out later that they were mocking me, but o well. I know i can be really stupid when i'm excited. Then we marched back into the stadium to OUR drumline. That's right and they were awesome. Then it was time for awards. I seriously did NOT care at all what we did/didn't win. And the results.....
Outstanding Musical Performance: SFA
Outstanding Visual Performance: THE WOODLANDS (yea baby!! I was so proud of them) and SFA
Outstanding General Effect: SFA
All I remember is that The Woodlands, Bowie and Churchill were in the top 4. I was so proud of Bowie as well as the Woodlands. They are such awesome kids. Winning did not matter at that point. I had given the greatest performance I was capable of giving, not only for me but for the people that mean the world to me. We had another smiling love fest on the field. My dad was one of the first people I found and I gave him a hug and a kiss and started crying, I felt like a daddy's girl, it was great. So I grabbed my dad's video camera and started filming random people on the field, it was quite fun. Then I found a person who I really needed to just hug and let everything go with. She knows who she is, I found her and gave her a huge hug and cried. She told me she was sorry and I hope she meant it because it meant something to me and she earned my respect for it. I found my mom and told her that this was all for her. The victory performance was so moving. My dad stayed this time which meant the world to me. I got to take a pic with both my mom and dad on the field and I love them both so much. I can't wait to get those pictures back.
Band, Angels, and anyone associated with the program- I love each and every one of you. You are my second family. Thank you for always being there to support me and encourage me. Thanks for a magical performance and precious moments I will never forget. I love you all dearly.
It's not over yet...
The bus ride home was so much fun. I switched to ride w/ John because I hadn't seen him much that day and Steph was leaving and most of the girls were tired. So I almost got in trouble for switching busses, but Mrs. Spicer (my favorite lady) told me just to stay on the bus. That was possibly the most hilarious bus ride ever. It ended up being. Me, John and Em (laying across our laps) in one seat and Jojo, Amanda and Gabe behind us. We were all having so many word mess ups. Emily lost her talking privlages so many times. "Taco CabanO!!!"- haha Amanda. John looked like he was high, it was so funny. Emily demanded that she have her back scratched the entire way home. What a brat! haha jk. Then Amanda would randomly scream out gas prices. Ha it was great. I was so relaxed and had a blast with those kiddos. I love you guys so much! Then we got to Bush and unloaded all of the crap (cept for ALL of my cds apparently) then I drove John and I back to school. So we dropped of our uniforms and then I drove him home and almost fell asleep driving home. My mom woke up when I got home and gave me a hug and kiss and told me she was proud of me then I called John and we both fell asleep on the phone lol.
What an incredible night. Words cannot describe my emotions. Pure love and passion... it's amazing what that combination can do.
Be remembered. SFA 2004. |
|
|
| WoW... HaNdS DoWn ThIs Is ThE BeSt DaY I CaN EvEr ReMeMbEr |
[Oct. 3rd, 2004|09:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | grateful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Hands Down- Dashboard | ] |
Last night was so amazing. I have not felt that wonderful in MONTHS! It was simply unreal and I'm still in a state of complete shock. So let's start from the beginning.....
I woke up late, around 6:15 and got ready and headed off to Randalls to pick up a few last minute things. I rushed to Bush to go wash the truck, which ended up being pretty fun. Mary, Nicole and I discovered a great, easy way to clean the truck. Then Caitlin braided (in funny voice haha) my hair. Then came a mini-breakfast for the seniors. While I was eating Amanda and Emily came up to talk to me and to keep me company. (Friday at the game Amanda and I talked and bonded, she's the coolest chicka ever!) Rehearsal was really fun! We just did production runs, and everything sounded and looked great. Then came our hang out time before inspection. I can't believe I let something get to me like what happened. All I can say is thank you so much to Natalia, Mary, Emily, Jojo, Sheri, Amanda, Nati, and Sarah. I'm so grateful for all of you and that yall were there when I needed shoulders to cry on. I love all of you girls! After that mess was over, it was time for the meeting. All of the speeches were so powerful. I always love Alex and Vicki's speeches, they both deserve their positions so much. Then it was time to load the busses and head out to Huntsville.
The busride there was so fun! I got to sit with Steph for the first time ever i belive!! It was quite a relaxing ride. I listened to my music and took pics, i had a blast! When we got there we had to go into mad-man panic mode to get dressed for our two-it-up time. My two-it-up buddy was Alex and we were right behind Mariko and Darian. I felt so powerful marching to the warm up area, and I could see people looking at us cuz they knew who we are. Then we blocked it up and Westman called out the sextet to go with the pit. Westman talked to us before we left and gave us some feedback. Before I walked off I gave him a hug. Then we went to tune and etc. Then it came time for Prelims....
I saw my dad when we got into the stadium and he took pics and waved. Laura and I got really nervous when we were waiting. Then we took the field. The show started and it had a nervous vibe from my view. I cried but I felt that my tears were somewhat forced. It wasn't the best we could have done. I could tell by the reaction from the crowd. We went to go sit up for the awards ceremony. All of the bands did very well. I was so proud of Bowie for winning prelims, I wish I had gotten to see them. We got a huge surprise and got the Music caption for prelims. We ended up second for prelims, which surprised everyone a great deal. Then came time for tailgate....
After we all got undressed it was time for FOOD!! I found my mom on the way there and gave her a huge hug. Tailgate went by really fast. We had our metting and Westman announced that we were going 6th and everything we needed to work on. Then Jennifer re-did my hair and it was time to get changed again... that's when things went downhill for me..
I began to feel rushed and paniced while changing and I tried to ignore it, but then i felt really sick. So I got dressed and took a Pepto (of course). Then I two'ed it up with nathan. So we were walking and I was fine until we started going down the stairs. Then I felt like I was going to throw up and I had to grab Nathan's arm and walk down the stairs that way. When they were arching it up, I had to go to the side and Steph (my favorite perso ever) took me to the bathroom to cool me off. So then we got paper towels and I went back to hear westman's speech... WHAT A MOTIVATING SPEECH! It pissed us off yes, but look at the result. So I almost puked there, so Agard told me to unzip my jacket to cool off. So I walked over to my section with steph and began to cry. I told them what little I could to get them in the right mood then I left to go tune w/ the sextet, but before I left I found Kris and John and gave them hugs. Kris got me out of feeling sorry for myself for being sick. He told me "just go do it, you have no choice." Then i left. I got water and sat down on the podium with Amanda to attempt to feel better, yeah didn't work.So I found Mrs. Spicer... thank goodness. She did some of her remedy stuff which really worked. After that I was pumped and calm. Before we took the field I prayed to myself. I meant the words I said in that prayer and I began to cry. Then it was go time....
I got onto the field and the tears just started flowing. I gave Agard and Westman a hug as they walked by. Then Simar was next. Then Kim, Kristen and Laura, then it was time to get set. I played my heart out on my solo. I have never sounded that good or played it like that before. The tears began. The company front hit, I lost it. The second movement came and it locked, I lost it. The third movement came... files locked... I lost it. The crowd stood up. The fourth movement came and it was amazing. I got to the very end where I was directly in front of Sara and saw her crying. I have never been so proud of her. The show ended and I could not breathe. As we left the field I was sobbing really loud. I felt an Angel come up to me and grab my arm. I looked at her and I did not know who she was and the words " I love you so much" came out of her mouth. That ladies and gentlemen is why I am in this. I just told her I loved her and we stood there hugging and crying together. Then came the giant love fest I'd been waiting for.
I went to everyone I could find and gave them huge hugs. I found my Kristopher after Westman talked to us. I just started sobbing with him. He walked with me to get water and on the way back he gave me the best advice he's ever given me. He has never like that much of a big brother to me than he did last night. He gave me the advice and kissed me on the forehead and I felt so much better after hearing what he had to say. I love Kristopher so much, I never give him enough credit for anything.
Well that's all I have time for now, I'll write more soon.
Be Remembered. Gosh what an amazing performance. |
|
|
| CoMe On |
[Sep. 30th, 2004|09:45 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | sleepy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | I Miss You- Incubus | ] |
Wow yeah i haven't updated this in a long butt time. It's not like anyone reads it, so i don't find it to be a problem. Yeah so it's been a fun past couple of weeks... not. ha but I know all of this stress and anti-fun will be so worth it Saturday. I can't wait. That's the day when all the drama goes away (only for that day mind you). I just love feeling close to everyone. I've put so much work into this show, and I really brought it up a level this week. I can't wait to perform the show of course, and I'm really excited about playing the sextet in front of people. I'm glad that both of my parents will be there to hear me, because it is all for them. I feel so close with my parents at band events, as shallow as that is. So I can't wait for Saturday.
I've gotten to see a lot of my friends this past week, it's been great. I eat lunch with Heidi, Kristen, Timmy, Jen and Laura now. I miss my boys though. On Tuesday I babysat Jake and his friend Shawn. Heidi go to come over and help me. We put the boys in my mom's room and gave them toys and put on "Finding Nemo." They were so good. So Heidi and I watched One Tree Hill and Gilmore Girls. We got to talk a lot and catch up. Heidi is so great to me, I'm so lucky to have her. She burned the Tyler Hilton cd for me before she came over. (Thats not the only reason why she's great.) I mean I went through moments when I was about to cry and she looked like she was about to cry because she saw me so upset, and was just there to comfort me right when i needed her. We had many laughs over our old yearbooks, which just added to the fun. So Heidi thanks so much, I love you chicka!
Then today I got to go get stuff for our freshman with Lauren and Mariko. Target is so much fun. We bought new little kid backpacks! Mine has Barbie on it, Mariko's has Ninja Turtles, and Lauren's has My Little Pony. They're so fun!!! On the way to Mariko's and to Target I got to drive with the windows down and my music blaring, it was so relaxing. I've found a new way to deal with stress and my depression modes. All i do is go somewhere alone, lately it's been the practice rooms and i just write what's going through my mind, every little detail. At band I slam my feet into the ground and try as hard as I can to be perfect. Well that's all i have for tonight. G'nite
So would I be out of line, If I said
I miss you.
But I need you to know, that I care
And I miss you |
|
|
| MaRiKo Is My HeRo!! |
[Sep. 15th, 2004|07:03 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | I need some new cd's!!! | ] |
Ugh I wrote this last night but it decided not to post my entry so I'll re-write it because I have not updated in forever. So let me try to remember everything I wrote.
Well lately I've been stressed over anything and everything and probably brought people down with me, not meaning to. It seems like everything keeps going wrong but I think I read too deep into everything. (Go ahead and roll your eyes, I know i'm slow at figuring that out haha.) Anyways it's like I let every little thing bring me down, when I have a ton to be happy about.
I owe a huge thank you to the people who have really been there for me these past few weeks. I love taking Kristin home a lot more because she let's me just vent and get everything off my chest and she usually can either relate or give me possible solutions to my problem. A few weeks ago Kris was really there for me when I needed to just talk and calm down, so thanks a lot for that sunshine. Talking to Mariko really cooled my nerves. She always makes me see things clearly and she sees things that I can't see or don't recognize. Thanks so much Sexy Cow, much love. Also my best friend has recently been there for me more than ever. Things are finally where they need to be with him, so I'm quite pleased about that. Thank you tons NuMeRo UnO! haha.
Things with Nick have been a lot better and still growing and improving. I've realized how many outside stresses I'm bringing into our relationship that I'm just bringing myself down. I'm really hoping that homecoming goes perfect because we've had hardly any time together and this will be something for the entire evening. I hope that soon we can see eachother nore because not seeing him well... sucks and it just brings me down. I love that boy so much!
Taldie- I love you tons angel and i'm always here for ya!
Well I know I wrote more in last night's entry but I'll re-write it later.
*Jessie Rae |
|
|
| VeRy ImPoRtAnT!!! |
[Sep. 2nd, 2004|10:22 pm] |
|
Happy 18th Birthday to my favorite person in the world! Miss Marie!! I love ya tons! =) |
|
|
| ScHoOL Is My LiViNg HELL!!!! |
[Sep. 2nd, 2004|09:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  stressed | ] |
Ok school is making my life hell. I'm constantly stressed out (as is everyone) and it just keeps piling up. Not only that but i never have time for myself. Like now I should be reading for government, but i'm about to cry so I figured this should clear my head before I attempt to absorb more information. I've never felt like this about school EVER! I've never cried this much over school before. Probably because I've never tried as hard as I am now. Or maybe that's my own perception, maybe i'm not giving my best effort. I probably am not. I hate how I feel, I hate being sad/upset/stressed all the time. I mean I'm so grateful for what I have but it's just my obligations that stress me out. I love my friends (most of them when they actually tell me their problems with me,) I love my family, I love my boyfriend. I went into a non-stop bawling temper tantrum mode last night, and I called Nick, but he was asleep and so was John... which made things worse. So I called Kris hoping he'd be awake and thankfully he was. So thanks Kris for calming me down and making sure i got to sleep ok. The other day before rehearsal, I just broke down at Nick's but thankfully he was there to calm me down and tell me it would be ok. Then tonight before I left to go to calculus study group I almost started to cry again. UGHHHH!! I FUCKING HATE SCHOOL!!!! |
|
|
| ChOoSe YoUr OwN AtTiTuDe... MmM TaStY! |
[Aug. 26th, 2004|09:54 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  geeky | ] |
Man I'm really slacking off with keeping this thing updated. Anyways so my subject is my two favorite quotes from the past two days at band. So today after rehearsal Westman was talking to us about how we need to choose to rehearse well and what not. Now i may not agree with everything Westman stands for, but the man can speak. Everytime he gives us a speech, I instantly feel more modivated. Recently I've been trying to be responsible and not depend on other people for my happiness, and it's been going pretty well so far. But today when Westman said those words, it hit me that I needed to have that as my mindset. So props to Mr.Westman, for making me realize what's important once again.
Tom came yesterday!!! I love that guy, he's so nice and amazes me with his talents. He did some really cool stuff with the opener, so I got to watch it, which was cool. We finally got the Angels set up with us for the sextet, and they're so creative, they came up with awesome poses. So when the band was working on the poses, Tom was watching it and was like "That's so tasty!!!" It was HILARIOUS!
Funny Stuff:
phuznizzel87: dude hes not flaming he just has a slight feminine side
peepschickie: hahaha
peepschickie: like u
phuznizzel87: yes
Lizz came to band today and she helped out around my area in drill today. I miss her, I'm glad she's coming to help out. She's always been my role model. She and Sarah are the top 2 on me and Mary's cool list. Today it felt different talking to Lizz, like she made me feel like I wasn't less important than her, like I was an equal. So Lizz Lewis- you're my role model, thanks for always modivating me and pushing me to be the best I could. ... if she ever happens to read this.
Man my mom's kicking me off and making me go to bed. So I guess that's it.
Choose your own attitude.... |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Aug. 23rd, 2004|09:46 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | sad | ] |
Hey. Well this is just a random post, no real subject just random rambling.
So the Rock-A-Thon was Friday, which served as a nice present for the long week that I had. So we got there and it took forever to get my stuff inside and I got really frusterated but the next time I walked outside I saw the new truck. Seeing it was just so amazing, i was speechless. The ceremony was good, the words that Vicki said were just amazing. With that first speech she justified why she was chosen to be President. I almost began to cry just listening to her powerful words. After the ribbon was cut, we got to take a tour of the truck. I WANT TO LIVE IN IT! Anyways so after the ceremony we went inside and the Rock-A-Thon was offically kicked off.
We got to eat dinner which consisted of hotdogs... MY FAVORITE! Then I can't remember the order in which things happened, but I'll try to mention everything. We watched BOA videos. Beginning with Bizarro, then The Anatomy of Performance: Mind, Body and Soul, and finally Other Dances. Watching that was pretty powerful. Then it was time for the Price Is Right. I was the grand champion.. :bows: ha it was fun. After the game, there were a bunch of different activities, none of which I remember except the Nazi game of musical chairs. Then we marched outside at 1 am. It was an amazing rehearsal and we got a lot done. Then it was time to head back in. After we went back in it was a mix of dance offs, wheel of fortune and name that tune. Neil Bloss rocks my socks! That kid was hilarious. And the percussion was hilarious too. Then before I knew it they put on School of Rock and Nick and I fell asleep. I loved falling asleep in his arms hehe cheesy i know.
To sum it up... my last Rock-A-Thon was a blast. It seemed to go by so fast. I wish I had hung out with more of my friends who were in different pods, but it all worked out. I got to read Cosmo with the girls.. the best way to pass the time. I had a blast and I'm so sad it was my last one.
Being a senior begins to hit me more and more each day. All of the seniors of '04 are leaving or have already left for college. At the Rock-A-Thon, Steph and Darian appeared to be sad because Kyle and Thida left. On Friday I also said good bye to Julie and Brian. Earlier that week, I said good bye to Max and Matt. It's so hard to see them leave. Kelley Lou came to visit practice one day which I was quite ecstatic about. I'm just going to miss having them around. It's hard knowing that i will be the one saying good bye next. It was hard seeing Alex, knowing that Sarah left this morning, but he was holding up very well. I was proud of him.
All of this was initiated by a conversation that Nick and I had last night. It was so hard hearing him say that I was going to move away from him in a year. I know that i have a year left, and my last year just started but anyone would be lying if they said they didn't think about it. I was practically in tears talking to Nick last night. It's just hard thinking about what's going to happen in the future. I don't want to leave this place. Mare and I talked about it and we're both terrified. Well that's enough of that for the evening...
Good night
*Jessie |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
jessierae's journal